The case for solo travel
As a natural introvert, alone time is an essential requirement and is in part due to a rather isolated farm-life upbringing. I am not short of offers to go on holiday with my lovely friends and I have connections abroad I can call on if I’d like to. The terrible truth [for some] is that I love solo travel. I took my first solo trip on the cusp of lockdown in 2020 when apparently nobody apart from me wanted to ‘risk’ it. Since then, I’ve created my own new normal, and I carry my burning desire for solo travel around in secret, sneaking in holiday bookings for the year ahead in December when everyone’s getting stressy about Christmas and are too distracted to think about asking me if they can come [insert crying, terrified emoji here].
There isn’t much about our routine lives that we have total command over. Holidays are, or should be, different. They are special and for me at least, they are supposed to represent escapism, relaxation and indulgence. As soon as other people get involved, the compromise sets in like rot. That hotel you liked the look of? Your friend starts investigating trip adviser (so on that basis, you probably won’t get anything booked at all, ever). Those premium seats on the plane you wanted? Too expensive, and you can’t leave your boyfriend to sit by himself, however tempting. That restaurant you want to try? Sorry, it doesn’t cater for people in the group who have those pesky ‘dietary requirements’. That extra day round the pool you fancied? You’re getting on a bus for a day trip to somewhere you don’t want to go, just to show willing. That sought-after adults-only hotel you’re wistfully eyeing up? Nope, we’re bringing the kids, didn’t you know? Very relaxing.
A quick glance at the stats show people using search engines for solo travel have doubled in the last year, so it seems I’m not alone [at least in my mindset]. Solo travel in certain settings (think gap years, business trips, or the old singles holidays where you meet up with others when you get there) don’t attract the same level of, if not stigma, then scrutiny as the kind of holidays I take, which are usually more three S’s style in nature and synonymous with couples, families and increasingly, ladies’ 60th birthday celebration markets. But this is the kind of holiday I love. Why should solo travellers be condemned to mud hutting in Mozambique or getting mugged on a metropolitan city break? And tour operators are making traditional package hols much more accessible for solo travellers, so the only issue for us now is- er, everyone else.
A puzzle to be solved…
At every stage of the process on my package holiday there are reminders that I shouldn’t really be doing it, and that my lone presence is an abomination or a puzzle to be solved. An individual is subjected to anywhere from the unwitting to the mischievous treatment by fellow non-solo travelllers, and to an extent by the staff allegedly employed to help me have a good time along the way. It goes a bit like this:
At airport bag drop: is it just the one bag to check in today for yourself madam, peering behind me looking for someone who’s not there.
Queuing for boarding:
Man behind me ‘her boyfriend better hurry up, he’s going to miss it’.
On the plane:
‘are you travelling alone madam’ (this is the cabin crew member assigned to my rows, and probably wants to sell the extra leg room seat next to me to someone -sigh), but nonetheless, the professional sing-song question travels all the way from my seat to my destination, which is still 2000 miles away. This attracts curious scrutiny from other people: look, woman, alone, on the same plane as us normal folk! Guy from the boarding queue: Maybe she’s got a fella out there then, scratches head.
On the transfer bus- (yes, there are private transfer options, but I’ll come on to that in a minute).
Embarrassed glances towards me as I appear to be the only person alighting at this hotel (those trip adviser reviews were terrible after all), and the realisation that yes, I am taking a normal holiday, designed for normal people, by myself and there can no longer be any doubt. Hushed silence until I’m out of ear shot, I imagine.
It is only at the hotel where I can check in as standard human being again; thank god for the broader-minded abroad. I go to my room and briefly unload the emotional impact of the scrutiny I’ve been subjected to today, and look ahead with glee at the prospect of sun, sea and sun loungers. And a stiff couple of drinks.
It’s lovely, bliss in fact this, on my first evening of my holiday, sitting in the hotel lobby bar with the last throws of the day’s sun making me squint a bit because I can’t find my sunglasses yet, but I am ultimately in heaven. Cheers.
So how am I spending my time on this trip? I read a lot by the pool, I swim in the sea, I grab an ice cream and a glass of something fizzy. Chat to the barman. Just like you. Do I want to be spending my days ticking the excursions box? Sometimes, especially if it’s a boat trip or something short and fun. But otherwise no, I’m not particularly adventurous really, getting here and being here on my own is the daily adventure.
The dreaded ‘good deed’
After a couple of nights, just when I’m in the swing of things and owning my holiday like the confident and solo loving holiday maker I am, other brits’ conversation is drying up a bit and their attention now turns on me. ‘That girl must have come by herself, you were right’. I try to cling on to my consolation prize of still looking young enough to be called a girl [insert winking or rolling eyes emoji as appropriate].
Speculation is now accruing on the pressure gauge, and I’m sorry to say it but it’s mainly women perpetrators.
I must’ve just got divorced
I mustn’t have any friends
I’m shy
I must be bored on my own
Conclusion: I must be in need of fixing.
So what happens next is the predictable and dreadful deed. A member of their party is nominated to come and ‘rescue’ me. I’ve a range of techniques depending on the circumstances for dealing with unwanted attention from slightly nauseating do-gooders (read on for recommendations). The latest experience is a woman bounding over to ask ‘if I’m ok’. I have no idea why I wouldn’t be, it’s sunny, hot and I’m holding a glass of fizz with a new novel. So, right back at you love, ‘Are YOU ok?, She doesn’t like my challenge btw and quickly readjusts her incredulous expression to a sweet smile, just like we see when cabin crew realise we’ve noticed their frustrated glance at the bloke blocking the aisle and the trolly can’t get through. I imagine she can’t quite believe she’s been rejected by someone she fully assumed would be grateful for this poorly disguised, mal-intended good deed, which evidently served only to fulfil her own phoney #bekind ends. Gottcha.
The irony is I’ve been observing a handful of couples and groups around me for some days too, in between lounging, on walks, and sipping cocktails. I’m titillated that they will never comprehend my pity for their total banality generally, the measure of their witlessness captured only by the degree of sunburn on their chubby backs.
My “rescuer’s” sense of social superiority is a recurring surprise. For surely I, the brave traveller, the younger, in many cases more expensively dressed and tastefully accessorised holiday-maker, my choice of upgraded plane seats and accommodation and my attempts to be friendly, kind and generous to all should really command some level of, if not respect, then at least common regard. However, my presence is misinterpreted for either loneliness or desperation. So many people simply cannot understand why anyone would want to do the very thing that scares them most - be alone. For them, being solo is worse than being ill. I’m more offensive than if I was part of a grey joggers-clad couple accidentally finding their way into a high-end establishment. It’s a primal fear of the human condition. I am to be pitied, wished away, or to be handed down mischievous looks and comments as I represent danger, the fear in them running so deep. Part of this fear I think lies in a touch of the green eyed monster. I’ve made life choices (and sacrifices) that allow me these personal freedoms. I am daring to challenge their self satisfaction - for surely they have it all? But I’m here, an uncomfortable, albeit unintentional disruptor of the frumpy housewife 55 something mindset, the people who resent the freedoms I am flaunting, the freedoms that they voluntarily relinquished years ago.
Naturally as a solo traveller I have no issue having a quick chat or a laugh at the bar, but I find small talk with fellow brits simply the worst. Like being at work, except now it’s my time and money. So reader, let me conduct my holiday in the way I originally intended, please, and remember, your own need for social connection does not trump any of my own needs and preferences.
I continue to preside over my free time and holidays how a night club bouncer horizon-scans for inappropriate footwear. I don’t allow anything other than exactly what I want to cross the boundary into my lovely vacation time.
Are you ready to solo?
Solo travellers may identify with some or none of my experiences, and I mention them not to put people off this pursuit, but to arm them with the tools and techniques to make things easier.
If you’re not keen on starting your solo endeavours in a hotel setting, try a private villa option. You’ll have your own cooking facilities, maybe a pool, be able to try different restaurants every night, so likely to feel much less conspicuous.
Before you go, practice walking confidently into rooms and try adjusting your posture. The pity party will pick on on body language vulnerabilities.
Combatting unwanted approaches to provide you with company (if it’s a desirable approach, obviously step in):
-Pre-prepare some one liners ready for those anticipated questions - ‘are you ok?’; ‘are you here alone?’ ‘would you like to join us?’ etc. It will be easier to manage in the moment.
-Wear ear phones even if you’re not using them, read a book or have your phone handy to fake an incoming call if you sense the pity party approaching. You’re less likely to be disturbed if you’re occupied.
-Tell people you’re on a work trip, this is usually a more acceptable reason for solo travel to nosey sorts. If they ask what you ‘do’, just say it’s a job for a large organisation that you can’t really talk about, which will end the conversation naturally.
-Smile regularly. It’s a good way of letting people you’re content, but giving lingering looks can be misread that you’re interested in connecting, so self awareness is key.
-Don’t feel the need to justify your decision to travel alone to others. Think about it like this, are they explaining why they are holidaying with tramp stamp Sarah or the the beer bellied three? No judgement on the latter groups, but it’s a useful reflection to keep in your back pocket you’re feeling judged yourself.
-Talk to local people, they are less likely to be judgemental and are significantly more interesting to learn from. It also demonstrates your confidence and that you will choose your own company.
-Get to breakfast early so there are fewer people around and you feel less of a goldfish in a bowl, same with lunch and dinner. Or you can use room service if you prefer.
-As a solo traveller you are likely to be more scrutinised, so I’d recommend wearing and looking your best. Maybe people will notice your designer bag before they notice your solo status. Be an enigma and don’t give too much away about yourself.
Health and safety
I’ve never had any issues but Solo travellers can attract other types of unwanted attention.
-In unfamiliar destinations I tend to board the transfer bus - a bit exposing but there’s sometimes safety in numbers.
-I use drinks testers if I haven’t seen how my drink has been prepared and it’s more about sending a message that that you’re on the ball.
-I rigorously check locks on my hotel room, terrace doors etc.
-I buy the top level of travel insurance to make sure there are no ifs or buts should something happen.
If staff who are supposed to help you have a good time and look after you do unhelpful things because you’re solo, let them know politely or fill in feedback forms. It’s important they learn not to shout across the room because they have noticed your on your own for example.
Tour operators and service providers can profit
I have no qualms with tour operators because so many barriers have already been removed for solo travel to not only be possible but also affordable. So I’m feeling pretty pleased about that.
I notice though that some hotels still won’t allow you to book a room, even if you’re paying the full whack for the number of people it is designed for. This seems to be a bit of an own goal as there are people willing to pay over the odds to get the holiday they really want. And on that note, solo travellers are likely to have more disposable income so there are definitely advantages of tapping into this market.
To normalise the concept of solo travel it would be great if marketing material could build in references more generally, and also in information that’s provided to holiday makers in literature prior to departure -perhaps information about how solo travellers can stay safe, how other holiday makers can behave to ensure solo travellers are not targeted for unwanted commentary, judgements, stares or unwelcome introductions.
Training for service providers throughout the holiday from boarding to accommodation would also be welcome. For example, that staff shouldn’t treat solo travellers differently, make assumptions or draw attention to someone’s holiday status (and by association, their relationships status) for no good reason, and certainly not to other holidaymakers.
Local staff providing services in hotels should also be aware to be friendly but not to ask different questions of solo travellers than they would to other traditional customers.
Restaurants could set out tables for one as standard, which avoids the theatrical performance of the waiting staff removing the tableware from the opposite place setting, just to highlight that, yes, you are eating alone! Goddamit!
Hotels of 5 stars really should have 24/7 room service and I note this isn’t always the case. Solo travellers might call upon this more than others to stay under the radar for a couple of days of their stay, to decompress from some of the scrutiny we might be experiencing.
This piece is overtly critical of my critics, so what would really help me and others like me to enjoy our solo trips in the way everyone else traditionally do?
This piece is overtly critical of my critics, so what would really help me and others like me to enjoy our solo trips in the way everyone else traditionally do?
A message to my co-travellers
Consider where your judgement comes from. You may like 24/7 company, but imagine if you were deprived of that and how would you feel? It’s the same for solo travellers like me, in reverse.
Don’t feel sorry for solo travellers, they are genuinely enjoying themselves, you may need them more than they want you.
If you must interact, just smile and say something nice, like ‘good morning’ and leave it at that. We know where to find help or company if we want it. We made it out here alone, so don’t think we’d be worried about approaching someone for company or help if we really want it.
Don’t ask if you can take the sun lounger next to a solo traveller. Remember we have paid more for our solo visit than you have as a couple or a group. We should be able to enjoy some of the benefits that come with it, plus, by doing so you are outing a solo traveller in front of the rest of the pool occupants.
Don’t discuss us under whispered breath. Solo travellers are likely to be more perceptive and already understand your assumptions about us. Just enjoy your holiday and let us solo types do the same in our own way.
Try it yourself. You don’t have to be alone, or be lonely to do solo travel. You might have the family at home, but why would that stop you doing a little weekend trip? It’s time your partner can bank so they can go off an do their own thing one week. My much admired-with-kids friend does this and I love her for it.
These are just some small things people can do on the journey of awakening to appreciate the power and decadence of a solo trip. Whether you think it’s strange or not, more people are doing it, and I’m here to let everyone know it’s all good.
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